12 places where I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF would have appeared in the Bible [READ]

12 places where I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF would have appeared in the Bible: (part 1)

I cannot come and kill myself on this one. I swear this will crack up your ribs, readers discretion is advised, Check out what Mc iGoyan a.k.a Yanbaba posted on his Facebook page. read below:

Old Testament.

1. Devil and Eve (Gen 3 vs 6)Devil: my dear beautiful Eve, why haven't you guys eaten the Apple at the center?Eve: God instructed us to eat everything in the garden expect that Apple.Devil: have u asked yourself why? do u know that once you eat the apple, you will know what he (God) knows?.Eve: I don't want to provoke God.Devil: Eve just takes a look at how beautiful and juicy that Apple is..a bite will do u no harm.Eve: what kind of temptation is this one now...but that Apple looks nice oo, let me have a bite joor, Anything wey wan happen, make e happen, I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF.***********************************

2. Cain and Abel (Gen 4 vs 1)God; gathers the best of your crops, harvest, livestock and offer to me a bountiful sacrifice.Cain: Abel nwanne, wetin u go offer?Abel: as he said, the best of my harvest, my fattest cow, the biggest of my yams,....you nko?Cain: oboy make I no lie you, God should manage this small lamb, and three pieces of cocoyam.Abel: Cain Na God Almighty u wan sacrifice this thing to abi Na Amadioha?..Cain: this is what I have joor, I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF.******************************************

3. Esau and Jacob (Gen 25:19-34)Esau: Egbon, Na dis your porridge dey ooze like this?..hope say man go see small chop for inside?.Jacob: (whistling)Esau: Jake talk now... Just tell me, what will it take for this yam porridge to fall on me?..Jacob: your birthright.Esau: oga be serious joor. Should I give u money, or should kill an antelope for you..u know say I bad gon.Jacob; oga carries your hairy body common for here!... Your birthright or nothing, am serious.Esau: I should give you my birthright because of common yam porridge, taa!.Jacob: (adds more spices)Esau: (comes back), you say is birthright u want, a birthright that am not even using, carry birthright, give me the food, I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF. birthright ko fundamental human right ni.**********************************

4. Pharoah and Moses (Exodus 9 vs 1)Pharoah: what are u doing here?Moses: for the last time, Pharoah, let my people go.Pharoah: if I don't, what will happen?.Moses: (drops his staff...the staff turns to snake)Pharoah: see gra gra!! (Drops his own staff, turns to snake)..Moses: (his rod swallows that of pharoah).. Shebi u don confirm am? no be by mouth, this is how the whole of Egypt will be swallowed if u don't let my people go..Pharoah: look at this small boy of yesterday o,no wahala sha, make una dey go, I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF.Moses: oshey ✌🏽...(turns to leave)Pharoah: what about my staff?.Moses: wetin don loss don loss!!.***************************************

5. David and Uriah's wife (bathsheba) (2sam 11 - 12)David: (walking on the roof of his palace) chineeekeh!!,..who in God's name is that beautiful naked woman bathing?His mind: odogwu that's somebody's wife.David: am I not somebody's husband.His mind: Baba easy oo.David: oga shut up if u no know wetin to talk.. Guard!! Guard!!!Guard: long may u reign his Majesty, you beckoned.David: where's Uriah? The husband of that woman.Guard: he should be at the battleground my lord..David: that's good,send a message to the battlefield, they should put him at the war front where the battle is hot,I need this her wife all to myself, I am the king, as the battle is going on,I need this kind of doctor's prescription to relax my nerves, I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF..******************************************

6. Solomon and his wives (1 Kings 11)205th wife: my king, long may you reign.King Solomon: rise, how can I be of help to you my dear wife.205th wife: my king, my bed is cold, my body yearns for your touch, is been 3years and six months you attended to me.King Solomon: didn't you hear I married a new wife yesterday?, and I have so many issues bordering the kingdom That needs my urgent attention, please bear with me,I also have 700 concubines that want me by their side every night, I am only but a human being, and I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF.

stay tuned for Part 2 (new testament) to drop later....
Written by Yan Baba

#yanbaba